The feeling of “I don’t know what I’m doing”, “Am I doing this the correct way?” crying of desperation and praying to God that he please illuminate my thoughts, my heart and emotions.
I was so young and not prepared to be a mother but somehow that was my destiny, I had to mature ‘even more’ in less than twenty four hours. After that moment everything evolves around them. They deserve to be loved, be taken care of, teaching moments that count for a lifetime. The first years of a child’s life is the most important that will help them with their development and so on. After having two of my own I’ve learned that the first 5 years are the most important years and the teachings you give them they won’t forget.
Everyone younger than me I always always tell them “Don’t have kids just yet”, “Think about it” and “Go educate yourself first, have a (good) job and your own things as a independent woman”.
What do I have to do to make this ‘right’? I don’t know and deep down I feel defeated I feel it’s all over. This pain in my gut is it my fault? Lord help me get through this situation never have I thought that I will be put in this position, it’s not like I had my best life as a younger self,, my heart became like a rock when went through a state of depression and rebelled against my adoptive parents.
My thoughts are all over the place and can’t quite place anything and all I can do is blame myself for my mistakes and not take fully responsibility. I think so much and talk so little.. what is the next step? I have to take back my strength and keep it pushing because that’s what mothers do.
All we want is the best for our children and for wanting the best for them you have stay strong in your standards as a modern parent. Being a parent in today’s world is not exactly what most of us signed up for but oh well it’s our destiny right?
I just wanted to share this with you and I know that there are bigger and more serious things going on but mothering or being a parent is difficult as it is. Especially these days where there’s the internet on hands and many more factors.
Thank you for reading and for your time!