The beginning was the end of it all and there goes my trust in people that I loved and cared about for so long. As a child I remember going every year to DR on vacation and for a odd reason I always was sent to their house to spend almost my entire vacation. I just never knew why.. It became a tradition and even if I protested declining to go they would still force me to go. Had no clue why though.. I never looked at myself in a mirror and made any comparison of who I looked like. All very confusing and not fun ..
One day in the midst of a deep argument with my mother I confronted her and asked her “If it was true that she isn’t my real mother” “Is it true that my aunt and uncle that I went to every vacation that they are my real biological parents? I remember seeing her in her eyes with so much anger and she answered; Yes they are and so what?! Do you want to go live with them? I began to cry had no words coming out of my mouth..
This was the same period I was rebelious around the age of 14/15 years old, I was so angry at myself for not noticing earlier. A cousin of mine she was always jealous and hated me she was the one that actually had told me about this, had me thinking I even told her “It’s not true I don’t believe you” since we had a long history of fighting, hating on eachother and we still do to this day. When she had told me I didn’t think much of it but was always in the back of my mind.
It felt WRONG and I felt obligated and not wanting to spend all my vacations in their home. Why does my mother send me here? Is it so she can go out or for me not to get bored since I was the youngest still living at home all my older siblings moved out and has their own life. I was always a loner and didn’t mind being alone and being in my own world. I’m never gonna forget the feeling of how I felt when I found out!
📌📌 PIN FOR LATER 📌📌
What I Wasn’t Gonna Do
What I wasn’t gonna do was keep repeating the cycle of giving up my own children to my biological parents, my mom and dad who raised me or my kids father’s side of the family. What I wasn’t gonna do was keep supressing my emotions for other people. Honestly I never thought I would feel this cringy feeling each time I call them Mom or Dad. I hate calling them that way and not only them also my biological parents. I don’t know if I ever will forgive them..
What I Think
My thought process in this very moment in my late 20’s is this; both parties had to be honest from the very beginning. I don’t care about anyone’s feeling but my own at this point I don’t care about calling both parties. One thing I appreciate is that my parents who raised me tried to give me and my deceased brother a better life. One day I will have the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings to whoever needs to hear it.
You are reading this .. I have gone through so much unfair situations and after finding out I knew this had to do with it! Not being their biological child made me a punching bag many times at the end all of this made my stronger. One day not far from now…
🌟 Today’s Quote 🌟
“To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.”
— Barbara Johnson