Don’t Know Whether It’s Sadness or Depression… | ChitChat

Thinking how they would be feeling right now, did they eat? Did they brush their teeth good enough? You know when you’re a mother you think all of these things even if you don’t want to it’s almost like an automatic switch going ON in your head. Today schools have officially started again and it could be that I’m in my feelings about that. Honestly I don’t really know it’s just so much emotions and thoughts going through my mind.

Related: This Is How I’m Feeling Today | ChitChat

Photo: Pexels

My biological father’s deteriorating health issues has been one of the reasons why I had to travel abroad and my kids had to stay behind with their biological father (even though he never was interested to be in their lives, only when he’s obligated to). Also do I know that I have made a mistake with (my actions/dealing with this situation) with my eldest son who is currently eleven years old which I’m deeply sorry about. We have had some troubles with him regarding his behaviour for several years now. Not knowing how to help him and hoping we as a family can get a therapist.

Related: How I’m Feeling Today 07.11 | ChitChat Sunday’s

Since September 2021 until today January 2022 these past few months has been a rollercoaster mentally and emotionally. Continuing with my last paragraph.. After the emotional shower both my partner and I went to the kitchen to prepare something to eat. He made tortillas filled with cheese and ham, sliced avocados topped with his special sauce diced tomatoes, onions and olives he added a bit of olive oil too. Then he poured coffee and milk into my sister’s christmas mug. Breakfast and coffee was wonderful! Thank you loveβ™₯️

After having breakfast and coffee I was thinking but at the same time I wasn’t. My mind was very far and as I was listening to my current favorite podcast Reddit Explains Conspiracy & Controversy, and The Unknown. Then we switched to another podcast 24Ora which is an Aruban live news podcast. I started to cry soon after this I went to wash the dishes I started to cry again. I sat down to keep watching news podcast I started to cry again.

I remember how bad I was doing in the month of September and the months after that. My eating and sleeping habits had changed I cried all the time. I cried at work, bathroom break, at home, after seeing my kids, as I’m writing this post.. Many times my partner had to shake me out of the sad moment.

Photo: Beautyofcafe205

Related: Quality Of My Thoughts | ChitChat✨

Often enough I rather ignore my feelings, thoughts and bad memories. I suppress my feelings and rather not feel anything so I won’t have to cry over it. I learned this is a bad habit because as humans our feelings are valid, the importance of feeling what you are feeling and often it’s important to cry and be sad. As mothers many times we don’t receive emotional or moral support from people closest to you, being a mother is HARD. Some days are more difficult than others but you try always to do the best you can for yourself and your kids.

This year is gonna define a lot and decisions are gonna be made, change is already here and there’s so much that has yet to be done.

I ask God and the universe to grant me with serenity, heal my pain, wisdom, positivity and much love to overcome this.

Photo: Pexels

11 Comments

  1. Monty Vern says:

    Thanks for sharing so openly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Felt like I needed toπŸ™πŸΎ thank you for reading

      Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s very hard on our mental health to constantly hold onto our emotions; they come out eventually and are sometimes more disruptive and/or destructive than if we’d allowed ourselves to feel them at the beginning. It’s a hard habit to break — I’m learning this too — so I wish you well with everything you’re working through!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is true there will be a time and place in which I cannot hold the emotions and will probably be bad for me. Thank you for the advice πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. T. B. C... says:

    Ahh Catarina, thank you for sharing and opening your heart up. As you say it is always good to talk about our emotions and everything we feel is valid. It cant be easy with the deterioration of your biological father – I am sorry you are going through this. We can offer you love and listen from afar and wish that you start to feel a little bit more like yourself over the coming months. Sending love and good vibes your way. T.B.C xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind wordsπŸ™πŸΎπŸ’• I appreciate it and truly hope all of this can be turned around and have a positive outcome. ❀️❀️❀️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Nicole Andrews says:

    It’s often hard to know whether what you’re feeling is sadness or depression. Sadness is briefer. I hope you find better days and feelings. I share my sympathies with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Nicole..hope all of this end well

      Like

  5. Helen says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your biological father & the tough time you’ve been having. You are right — it’s hard being a mom & we often don’t receive much support. 😦 But sometimes a yummy breakfast & coffee can help. Those tortillas w/ avocados look delicious by the way. So keep your chin up and b/c good times are ahead for us all πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Really needed this.. thank you HelenπŸ™πŸΎ I hope all of this takes a positive turnaround

      Like

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